Mama Ray
- Jay EuDaly
- 2 days ago
- 10 min read
Updated: 28 minutes ago
What can I say about Diane (Mama) Ray?
When someone dies, to the loved ones left behind, it seems like there’s this giant hole in the universe where they used to be, that can never be filled.
And yet, as time goes by, the universe begins to close the hole, slowly weaving strands and directing streams of time and reality around the edges; the hole becomes smaller and smaller, life goes on, differently, but still it goes on, and within 3 or 4 generations no one knows or remembers, at least on this plane of existence. The hole closes.
Yes, “stuff” continues down through time, to be sure. Effects, ripples, karma - but the further in time we go the less conscious we are of specific consequences. “Stuff” affects us from unknown generations long past of which we are unaware.
As I write this, Mama Ray’s passing was less than a month ago; the hole is still large.
I can only speak from my own experience of my relationship with Mama Ray and so I will start at the beginning; my beginning with Diane Ray.
In the late seventies Diane Ray and I were kind of in the same circles, playing the same clubs, some of the time we were booking through the same agency. She was a bandleader, I was a sideman; my band-leading years would come later. She was 12 years older than me.
I have a memory of seeing her at the Plaza 3 in Kansas City. This was probably 1978 or ‘79. The stage was ridiculously small and narrow. The club was still on the ground floor, before it expanded and moved downstairs.
I remember thinking she was pretty damn good, but because of the scene and the pop culture of that time (Disco) we were all doing pretty much the same thing; working 6 nights a week playing the same kind of dance music in clubs. I was interested in Jazz but making a living playing the pop music of the day and was not overly impressed by another chick singer fronting a dance band singing Bee Gees and Donna Summer songs, no matter how good she was.
Things changed in 1984 when Rich VanSant and Jim LaForte started the jam session at Harling’s Upstairs. They recruited me to be in the house band there.
VanSant had been in Diane Ray’s band in the ‘70’s and had done quite a bit of roadwork with her, so there was a previous working relationship there that I was not aware of at the time. He’s the one who I first heard call Diane, “Mama Ray.”
My understanding is that she was nicknamed, “Mama” by her road band guys because she bossed them around all the time.
Between August of ‘84 and August of ‘86, Diane would show up and sit in at the Jam quite often. She and LaForte had a schtick that went over well.
It was at that point that I gained some appreciation for her range and influences. I could hear everything from Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holliday to Janis Joplin in her singing.
I think Janis was the primary influence. When I heard Diane sing, “God Bless the Child” (Billie Holliday), I remember thinking,
“That’s the way Janis Joplin might sing that song.”
For a while the Harling’s band did a Sunday night jam at a place across the state line in Kansas called the Redwood Inn. Diane was on that gig and I got to know her better because I was now working with her every week.
At this time, she was pretty wild. She and LaForte were a piece of work - times two! She spent the night with a cigarette and a shot glass (Peppermint Schnapps, usually) in one hand and a microphone in the other.
My conclusion about her at that time was that a musical and business relationship would be beneficial (she was hooked into the scene and always gigging) but on a personal level she was potentially dangerous - too much drinking and various other activities; lots of questionable hangers-on and drama swirling around. So, best to compartmentalize. Maximize the music and the biz, and minimize the personal (I’ve done a lot of that over the course of my career).
That’s where things stood in 1986 when LaForte got crossways with the owner of Harling’s and moved the Jam to Jimmy’s Jigger. VanSant was not part of that move. While I was working the Jam at Jimmy’s Jigger with LaForte, Marc Caplan on drums and Bill Maness on Hammond B3, VanSant started up the Jam at Harling’s again with Diane Ray fronting the band. Tom DeMasters was the guitarist and Paul Walter the drummer.
After a few months, the gig at Jimmy’s Jigger went away and I booked up my Saturdays with students.
During that time, Diane was involved in some kind of scandal that revolved around a musician’s fund organization of which she was the treasurer. I don’t know anything about it; I can’t even remember the organization’s name, but she was accused of embezzling funds and was sued, I think. It was a big stink around town. I showed up to sit in one day at Harling’s during this episode and she was wearing a ball cap that said, “Shit Happens!”
I don’t know how it all played out but obviously it got resolved somehow. I just remember thinking that I was glad I wasn’t on the Harling’s gig during that time!
In 1991 Rich called and asked me to come back to the Jam to replace Tom DeMasters, which I did.
By this time Diane was sober and deeply involved in AA. By “deeply” I mean she was going to meetings several times a week. I don’t know what happened to trip the trigger, but as far as I know, she stayed sober for the rest of her life.
The 12-Step Program associated with AA involves acknowledging your helplessness in relation to your addiction and connecting with a “higher power” (however you conceptualize that) for help and strength in order to stand against the compulsion of your addiction.
The fact that Diane was successful in staying sober indicates to me that she was in touch with her higher power and that there was a very real spiritual dimension to her life and experience, in spite of the “colorful” aspects of her life and personality.
By 1991 she had also met Willard Ruggles, sponsored him in AA, and they were living together. On October 10, 2021, after 34 years of "living in sin" Mama Ray and Will finally got legally married.
The legalizing of the relationship was not due to societal, religious or moral considerations but was about end-of-life concerns.
Will died of lung cancer on May 31, 2025. Mama Ray followed shortly after, on August 24, 2025, after battling lung cancer for several years that had spread to her hip. She smoked up until the end. The last time I visited her at home she was sucking on oxygen with one hand while holding a cigarette in the other. It was a helluva thing.
So…the Diane Ray that had been running the Jam at Harling’s for 5 years when I returned in 1991 was a different Diane Ray than when I left in 1986.
The old Diane Ray was drinking heavily, and she was involved in at least one abusive relationship that I know of - she had a junkie boyfriend that beat her up. I remember leaving a gig one night and there were used needles lying in the parking lot.
I think the abusive relationship was one of the motivations behind Mama Ray supporting the Hope House for decades. Hope House is a home for abused women and their children fleeing their abusers.
The new Diane Ray was sober, actively involved in AA, raising money for charity and in a committed relationship with Will Ruggles that lasted the rest of their lives.
It was a striking change in a relatively short period of time. As I said, I don’t know what triggered it.
The only thing she ever said to me about it was she realized one day that when she woke up every morning, the first and foremost thing on her mind was where and when she was gonna get a drink. She didn’t keep liquor in the house because of the kids, and that was what was on her mind until she went to bed each night; where was the next drink coming from?…and she just got sick of it.
So for 39 years I played at least a gig a week with her, many times more than one.
The new Diane Ray had retained her basic personality; strong, in charge, with an inclination for profanity and a constant appetite for cigarettes and coffee. She was always unapologetically who she was; if you didn’t like it, that was your problem.
On the flip side, she was motherly and nurturing; she encouraged youngsters and people in whom she saw potential to get up and perform at the Jam. She never allowed The Saturday Afternoon Jam to become a cutting contest or a competition; many times jam sessions are brutally competitive. Mama Ray’s jam was a supportive love-fest. She was very generous about sharing her stage, but there was never any question as to who was in charge!
She sponsored many, many people in AA. That involves being “on call” 24/7 - counseling, talking folks back from the precipice at 3am, encouraging and supporting those who fall off the wagon, providing accountability. That was another expression of her “mother-side.”
Because AA members that were musicians were encouraged to stay out of bars, Mama Ray would organize jam sessions called, “AA’s Got Talent” at the local AA hall to give those members an outlet to perform without being around alcohol. Yet another “nurturing” activity.
She put on benefit shows for many different charities over the years, but her favorite was the annual Hope House Benefit.
Mama Ray organized a benefit for Hope House every year starting in 1995, minus a couple of years because of Covid, until her death. You have no idea what it takes to put something like that together. Hundreds of ducks have to be lined up. It's like herding cats.
Excuse the mixed metaphors but when it comes to Mama Ray, a single metaphor is woefully inadequate!
Every year she spent her capital with dozens and dozens of musicians who came in and played for free to benefit Hope House. Why did they do this year after year? Because it's freakin' Mama Ray, that's why!
In 2013 we appeared on a live tv show to promote that year’s Hope House Benefit. We did an interview and 2 songs.
The appearance was actually a little before 11am but we had to get to the studio at 7am to set up and do a run-through so the camera operators knew what was gonna happen. It was a 3-camera shoot. So from about 8 to 11 we’re just sitting around waiting to go on. You know, hurry up and wait!
Mama’s singing was pretty rough during the run-through due to it being early in the morning and all. I suggested that we lower the keys a step just to be safe.
“Bullshit!” Mama said, “That’s the keys I’ve always done ‘em in and that’s where we’re gonna do ‘em today!”
What I hadn’t factored into the equation was 3 solid hours of coffee and cigarettes. Mama nailed the tunes.
That was the interview where I inadvertently gave Mama Ray the finger on live TV. The interviewer looked at me and asked,
“So who’s in charge?”
I pointed at Mama Ray thusly and said,
“It’s a Matriarchy!
I was holding my guitar pick between my thumb and pointer, so I pointed with the other one. I was completely unaware I had exhibited this awkward behavior until a day or two later when somebody asked me,
"Dude! Did I see you give Mama Ray the finger on live TV?"
"What? No! I would never do that!"
I went back and looked at the footage and sure enough, there you go.
In spite of the way it looks, I was actually giving the Mama all respect due her proper place as boss.
BTW: notice the direction Mama Ray's thumb is pointing? And the interviewer's pointer finger? All digits, provocative and otherwise, lead to Mama Ray!
The Saturday Afternoon Jam has become a Kansas City institution and tourist destination. It's not unusual for there to be folks from all over the world in the crowd on any given Saturday.
The longevity and consistency of the Jam is some kind of record! I know of no other Jam that has lasted 39 years, anywhere! 41 years if you count the previous two years Jim LaForte ran it. With the exception of my 5-year break from 1986-1991, I have played that Jam most Saturdays from the time I was 28 years old up to now (I will turn 70 later this year).
In November of 2019, Mama Ray collapsed at home. She suffered internal bleeding, mostly from multiple bleeding ulcers in her stomach, as a result of blood thinners prescribed subsequent to a routine stent procedure. She had multiple surgeries and almost died more than once.
It was at that time we started talking about a legacy - her legacy. The Jam was the most important thing to her. She wanted it to continue after she was gone, and 2019 was when she first expressed her wish that Lori Tucker replace her.
I have said elsewhere that Mama Ray and I have “cataloged assets.” CDs, photos, gig tapes, videos, and a possible film documenting the 20th Anniversary Jam in 2006. We were actively working on these things at the time of her death. I intend to follow through as much as possible.
I made mention earlier of effects, ripples and karma. Well, there was definitely stuff like that from Diane’s past. Sometimes karma can be a bitch, and whenever a trial or tribulation came her way (and believe me, “Shit Happens!”) she dealt with it head on.
No retreat, no surrender, no deflection, no avoidance, no denial - head on. Trust me, you didn’t want to piss off the Mama!
So how would I sum up Mama Ray?
Turd-plated GOLD.
"The Lord sees not as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
When it comes to Mama Ray, the heart is gold. Don't strain a gnat and swallow a camel.
So, in accordance with Mama Ray’s wishes, we continue the Saturday Afternoon Jam at BB’s with Lori Tucker presiding. We’re calling it,
Mama Ray’s Legacy Jam Featuring Lori Tucker!
We’ll see if it retains its traction. Perhaps Mama Ray will help us from where she is now.
Jay EuDaly
September, 2025
A history of the Saturday Afternoon Jam from 1984-2023:
